I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For...

I sit here listening to Eminem’s new album which is really good btw…
But on a more serious note.
I sit here thinking to myself, its amazing how people walk in and out of your life.
I mean one minute you think you have it all.
The girlfriend, the best mates and finally your family is getting along with each other.
But then it all changes.
The girlfriend that you thought was amazing and the only one for you turns out to be a selfish bitch that really can’t handle the pain when things get a little difficult
The best mates find other mates and don’t value you as much as what you thought you meant to them.
The family that says they want “what’s best for you” has no bloody idea who you really are. “What’s best for you”. Biggest hypocritical statement I have ever heard.
No one should be the judge of “what’s best for you” or anyone for that matter.
Most of this isn’t actually my personal experiences; it’s just what I perceive to be happening around me in my life and others.
It’s funny how things can change in an instant.
Over time I think I do believe in karma.
Because I have done things that I thought I would just get away with, no one will ever know. But in the end, it all comes out.
And then I’m left with picking up the pieces and dealing with the consequences of my actions.
Over the last month I have looked at my self and gone.
What the fuck are you doing with your life James, and look how you’re affecting other peoples lives.
I have taken a lot of things for granted in the last few years.
Firstly,
My Parents:
God they piss me off and annoy the shit out of me but they really do do so much for me. They give me anything someone my age would ever need. But material objects can only go so far. Because they still don’t fully understand who I really am. And most of the time I don’t really want them to know who I really am because that’s not what they want me to be. But anyway you all have heard that crap before so ill move on haha.
My Friends:
I have some of the best mates that have been in my life since I was very young and the memories I have had with those people are memories that I will never forget. But now most of those friends have moved on with their lives. Some gone to different schools, some gone out to work, some I have no idea where they are now. And now I am faced with making new friends, new school, and new experiences. So far I have met some of the best people around Albury, but I think I’m yet to really call them my friends. But that’s what I mean; you never know when your life’s going to change. My life now is basically starting again, a new chapter in my life. But I wouldn’t go back to my old life for anything.
The Girlfriend:
Well girlfriends with me are like a fat person and cake, there not going to last for very long. Haha I made that up, well I thought it was funny >.<
Anyway…
I don’t know what is with me and girlfriends, but they never last.
Usually the reasons are that I like that girl more than what she likes me and I get sick of feeling second best. Or I find a girl that I’ve liked for a week or so and you rush into a relationship and then find out they weren’t really the amazing person you thought they were and you break up. Or they just usually get sick of me after a while and give me the flick.
So as things have changed over time I now have a different view on women my age.
Women my age are usually just wanting someone to muck around with or they are looking for a serious relationship with a guy that will always be there for them.
I want to be that guy that they can be with and will always be there for them.
I want a girl that has a serious side and a funny side. I want a girl that will acknowledge the things I do for them, I know that sounds selfish of me but I have been with to many girls that seem to don’t care one bit if you say something nice about them when it’s a big thing for a guy to have the courage to say things like that to a girl. I want a girl to know that when I say those three words of I Love You that I truly mean those three words and they don’t come out to often so you must be someone very special. And most of all I just want a girl that I can spend time with and be ourselves together. I want a girl to be my girlfriend and my best friend. Personality overcomes looks for me. But all these attributes are very rare to find in a girl.
I have found although someone that is pretty close to all these things and I hope one day I can be with her and create memories that we can look back on forever (:

All in all my life has a new beginning.
Im creating new friendships
Finding new loves
But my family is still the same haha.

Oh well I suppose life wasn’t meant to be perfect…